Red Wine
by SleeplessGarden
Summary: "Added to their loveliness was a new mysterious suffering, perfectly silent, visible in the blue puffiness beneath their eyes or the way they would sometimes stop in mid-stride, look down, and shake their heads as though disagreeing with life." Spoby.


**Warning: References of self-harm and abuse are in this story. If you are easily triggered, you might not want to read it. **

**Now, before you read. This is very AU, and you will see why later. Melissa doesn't exist in this story. Spencer told Toby about A months ago, so he already knows about that. Everything else is pretty much the same except for something you will read about.**

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"_Added to their loveliness was a new mysterious suffering, perfectly silent, visible in the blue puffiness beneath their eyes or the way they would sometimes stop in mid-stride, look down, and shake their heads as though disagreeing with life." _

_-Jeffrey Eugenides, The Virgin Suicides_

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Red wine began pouring down the shower drain.

It was all she could do not to end it all right there.

Red wine, red wine, red wine.

"_You think anybody would want you? Look at yourself in the mirror sweetie. All that fat is just dripping off off you, not to mention your greasy hair and hideous face."_

Spencer grinned slightly as she watched the wine slowly trickle down her body. It would work. She could do this.

"_What's the point of having a child if she can't do anything right?"_

The wine was strong and thick now, the smell intoxicating. It made a river that Spencer was determined to make larger. After all, being perfect is what she did best.

"_You are an insufferable bitch. I don't know why we decided not to abort you. I'm sure regretting it now."_

A dehumanized wail echoed screeching like that before realizing the noise was coming from a part of herself that seemed detached. The acoustics weren't half bad, she grimly noted. Heck, she could make an album off of this. If people were willing to pay for albums of whales producing sex moans, they would certainly pay for this.

"_The world would be a better place without you."_

Her heart felt like it was going to explode if it had to listen to this any longer. She decided to help it along it's journey out, sinking her fingernails into her chest and pulling them across.

In, down, up. In, down, up. In, down, up.

I was probably a farmer in a past life. Just look at these neat rows I'm making.

"_Baby, just lay down. Daddy's only in here to play with you. You love to play, right?"_

Her arms flailed and fingernails began running all over her miles of skin. Or maybe she hadn't been a farmer, she dully thought. She watched as the red wine made streams, and those streams merged into one river. Better, but not the best.

"_The dogs are better than you. From now on, you're the dog and the dog is you. Strip out of your clothes and go sit in the kennel."_

Her breathes came quick and short, echoing out of her mouth in ragged tones.

"_You are a piece of filth. You don't deserve to be alive. The only reason I haven't bashed your skull in yet is because you fuck way better than that bitch you call 'Mommy'. Ain't I generous? Now give Daddy his thank you present."_

A scowl went across Spencer's face as she watched the river get smaller. This wouldn't do. A bar of soap was grabbed and pushed harshly against her body.

Scrub. Scrub. Scrub.

Her face lit up as she watched the river become bigger.

"_You fucking whore! Who's the baby's father? Or do even have any idea? What have you narrowed it down to, ten guys? Wouldn't surprise me. There's no one in this town you haven't opened your legs for. Well, you don't have to worry about that anyways. The father will never even know."_

Bowling balls suddenly became apparent in her stomach, as she cried out with the pain of holding them. She stumbled, knocking into the walls until the bowling ball became larger than her fragile body could handle and she collapsed to the ground, convulsing against the floor. Silent tears ran down her face, mixing in with the wine. She watched this new combination as the scalding water beat down.

Red wine. Red wine. Red wine.

* * *

Brown hair and a carpenter's body make it's way to the front door, bright ocean eyes darting around to make sure no one with gossipy mouths and no sense of who's business was theirs. After nodding in confirmation, the strong boy quietly opened the back door and sidled inside. He sighed with relief when he realized the only soul home was the one he was looking for, although the situation didn't surprise him. The Hastings' parents spent more time on vacation by themselves than they did with their actual daughter at home, which was sort of a blessing for him. It certainly made sneaking behind their backs to see their daughter easier, despite their threats to report him to the police for sexual harassment. Spencer was worth more to him than the cost of losing everything. He smiled at the thought of the beautiful brunette, with her witty lines and take charge attitude. His thoughts were thrashed away as he heard a crash and an inhuman scream come from above him. Fear overtook his body as he dashed up the stairs, calling out for her.

"Spencer!"

Toby followed the sound of the water upstairs, his feet barely touching the floor. He paused outside the door.

"Spence, are you okay? Are you hurt?"

No answer echoed back, so with a beating and heavy heart, Toby opened the door and stepped inside.

"Spence?"

Hot mist surrounded him as he walked toward the source of the crash. "Spencer, I'm coming over there, okay?" He waited for a reply before, finally, pulling back the shower curtain, where he saw the most horrifying sight of his life.

His girlfriend, his beautiful, smart, headstrong girlfriend, lay shaking in a crumbled heap on the floor. Her skin was rubbed raw and red, and claw marks covered every mile of her skin. What looked suspiciously like blood was lingering around, not yet washed down the drain. But what scared him the most were her eyes. They bore through him, seeming not to see him. If Toby hadn't known any better, those eyes would tell him she was dead. All at once, it seemed like eternity and one second at a time as Toby cried out.

"SPENCER! Oh God Spence. Oh my God. Oh God oh God oh God." He stepped into the shower and knelt down, picking up the body and hugging it to his chest. He rocked back and forth as she convulsed in his arms, the pain over the sight stinging every part of his body.

"Spencer, tell me where it hurts. Tell me what I'm supposed to do. Oh God Spencer." After her body quit shaking and simply hung limp, he stood up carefully and grabbed the towel outside the door, then picked up the carcass that she had become and wrapped her up in it. He sat her on the toilet, although she drooped over limply she could stay upright. He thought for a moment and then knew what he had to do. Glancing at her, he thought of all the times she had hid her body from him. Should he do this if it makes her uncomfortable? Would she want him to? Would she let him? Toby bent down and lifted her head with one hand so that it was staring at him, and slightly shook her shoulder with the other hand.

"Do you trust me?"

Brown eyes drooped and Toby shook her shoulders a little harder. "Spencer, baby, you need to answer the question! Do you trust me?" No answer. He was going to have to do this whether she consented for him to or not. The medicine cabinet was thrown open and Toby's eyes desperately searched the contents. Tylenol...tampons...astringent pads! He grabbed the container and was searching for gauze when he heard it.

"I trust you."

He whipped around, staring at the sound's origin, begging it for just one more word, one more sweet murmur that told him her soul was still alive, that it was still holding on. After a few seconds of this he remembered his task and began searching again. When the gauze was finally located(after what seemed like an eternity but was really only a short twenty seconds), he turned toward the broken girl and gulped quietly. Was he ready for this? The image of a fragile girl seemingly waiting for death at the bottom of a shower clouded his mind. Of course he could. This was Spencer Hastings, the girl he would jump off a bridge for in a second if she asked him to. His legs seemed to be of store-brand jelly as he walked over and knelt down. Taking a quiet breath, he gently grabbed the towel and pulled it off of her. The sight before him made him nauseous. Frail, thin bones stuck out and the scratches, which didn't seem that bad under the mist and weak light of the shower, were deep and tantalizing. Her hair was in greasy strings. Yet, as Toby struggled to move on, he thought of how beautiful she was. Beautiful in her physical appearance. Beautiful for staying so strong so long. Beautiful for so many reasons he couldn't begin to explain if someone were to ask.

Toby sighed, wrapped the girl in the robe hanging next to them on the stainless steel rack, and picked her up. He cradled her in his arms and looked down at the brunette, who seemed have no idea of the things surrounding her. She could be laying in her bed daydreaming for all she knew. He gently placed her on the bed and began searching her drawers for a pair of pajamas. After finding a silk nightie that would probably irritate her raw skin the least, he undid the robe and slipped the gown over her head, trying not to stare at her. He adjusted her body on the bed so it almost looked as if she were sleeping, then glanced down at his soaking clothes. He would have to change these, and he knew exactly what to change into.

"_Hey cutie." Spencer squealed as she was picked up by behind with those arms she knew so well. "Toby, put me down! Toby!" Said person smiled down at her and then shook his head. "Oh no, ma'am. I am officer Cavanaugh and I am here to take back what I am told is a stolen item. I believe you are in possession of a pair of boxer shorts and a blue pajama shirt that belongs to Tobias Phillip Cavanaugh. Now, please hand back these items so that we can be done with." _

_Spencer smiled slyly. "Oh no no no Mr. Cavanaugh. Those pieces of clothing were given to me by Mr Cavanaugh himself. You have simply made a mistake. But it's all okay, as long as you put me down now."_

"Ma'am, I have a warrant for these items. Now do we have to do this the easy way, or the hard way?"

"_Hmmm, what's the hard way?"_

_Toby placed his head on the back of Spencer's head and gently put her on the bed. He leaned in close, looked her in the eyes, then started kissing her. The kiss was slow, teasing at first, but soon became hot and heavy. Just as Spencer was lifting up his shirt, Toby pulled away. "Now, the clothing?"_

"_Toby! That's not fair! Don't do that." She pouted for a few seconds, but finally relented when she saw he wasn't going to budge. "Fine. The pieces of said pajama shirt and boxer shorts are in that drawer over there." Toby grinned, then leaned back down, his lips dangerously close to her ear. Spencer shivered as warm breath touched her skin. "Thank you for complying Miss Hastings. Now, I believe we were in the middle of something." Spencer giggled, and the kissing began again._

Toby shook his head at the memory. How much was she hurting then? He stripped out of his wet clothes and slipped into his pajamas. He grabbed the girl's hand and squeezed. "You are so beautiful Miss Hastings. Do you know that? So beautiful." Suddenly, her eyes snapped open and she glanced at him. Her eyes searched his, then she parted her lips.

She told him everything.

The beatings. The cruel words. The molestation. Starving herself. The scratching. Being afraid to go to sleep at night. The forced abortion of her father's child.

As she spoke on, her words barely clinging to life, Toby began to get angrier and angrier. Why had she been put through this? What kind of cruel ultra being would put this sweet, caring, hard-working girl through so much suffering? Why hadn't he noticed what was happening? Did he ever take a moment to say "Hey, maybe she isn't upset because of A. Maybe there's something else going on." Or even before he knew about A! How could he have not noticed that this beautiful being was breaking inside, piece by piece. While she smiled and laughed and kissed, was she truly happy? Or was she covering up the ungluing of her seams? Toby looked at her as she finished her story, and then grabbed her body close.

"You are not worthless, okay? You are Spencer Hastings. You are the girl who makes a perfect GPA and beyond, because you work hard for it. You are the girl with the witty one-liners. You are the girl who can make anyone around you smile just by looking their way. You are the girl who lights up a room with her laugh. The fiercely competitive girl who won't let anyone or anything hurt the people she cares about. The girl who I want to spend the rest of my life with. The girl I fell in love with and continue to fall deeper and deeper in love with every single second of the rest of eternity."

Blue eyes searched for brown eyes, but the brown eyes were lifeless once again. He sighed and gently tucked her in, trying to make her feel as safe as possible, then broke.

Skittering into the bathroom and leaning over the sink, gasping for air. His reflection mocked him. He might as well be the one who put her through this hell, who murdered her sense of well-being and chance at a happy life. All he had to do was notice that she wasn't okay! How hard was that? He could have gotten Spencer out of this situation a while back. If he had, maybe the damage wouldn't be as horrible as it is. Maybe she would be recovering right now, instead of clinging to life.

"DAMN IT!" He punched the wall, leaving a good sized dent. And then again. This punch is for Veronica Hastings, who didn't even bother to notice the monster whom she called her husband. This punch is for Peter Hastings, for killing an innocent girl, whether she was breathing or not. Oh, this punch is for the worst criminal of them all. This punch was for Toby Cavanaugh, for failure to save said innocent girl. By the time he was done, there were three holes the size of his fist in the wall. Toby shook back and forth, trembling and struggling to stay on his feet. He glanced back, saw himself in the mirror, and sank to his knees, a wail escaping.

And he cried.

He cried over how big, strong Spencer Hastings had become small and fragile.

He cried for the unborn baby, conceived out of a father's craving for control and power in his family.

He cried over all the children and adults in the world who were in Spencer's situation everyday.

He cried for the fact that she would be hurting everyday of her life, and there was nothing he could do about it.

He cried for all the things in the world he could never change.

Stepping out of the bathroom, he looked over at the sleeping girl on her bed, fitfully trying to escape her real-life nightmares if only for a few hours. A hand was squeezed, a testy smile pasted on his face, and a gentle kiss touched her forehead. Making his way to the door, he turned back one more time and glanced at the girl he loved. He would fix this, the best way he knew how. A door creaked open, but before he could slip out, a tiny whisper stopped him.

"Please hold me."

So he did. Slipping under the covers and putting his arms around her just as he had a million times before. The girl turned her head and looked at him, then tentatively leaned up and laid a gentle kiss on his lips. When she laid back down, snuggling against him, he saw the quiet tears struggling to stay in her eyes.

It would be done. Toby would help her escape this hell hole, if only she didn't have to live in fear for one more day. But for the time being the two lovers held one another close, escaping to a dream where they were the only ones in the universe.

And they cried together.

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**So there you have it. My depressing one-shot that has been on my mind for the last few months, even before I knew about certain showers that will happen in the near future. If you have any questions, my PM is always open ;) Now, to other things. If you know about the spoiler for Spoby in 301, how excited are you on a scale of jumping of the walls to I'm about to jump off a building I have so much built-up excitement? Tell me ;)**


End file.
